So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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