oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
