I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
