Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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