You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
