blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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