he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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