You're completely useless in the revolution.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
