I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
