the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
