I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
