Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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