What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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