I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
