im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
