thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
