In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
