slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
