My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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