yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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