We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
