That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
