Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
