apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
