you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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