I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
