it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
