dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
