she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
