I forgot how hot balto sounded
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
