Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You dont lie about slip and slides
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
