forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
