Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
