ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
