I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
