So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
