Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
