k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
