So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
