I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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