the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize