no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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