Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
