No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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