My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
