Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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