when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
