It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
