Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
