Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
